A Different Kind of Cookie Monster

OK, so I'm talking on the phone this morning with Chris, my eldest son.  He lives in WV, so our connection is a daily phone call, and today he was at the grocery.  And yes, we talk everyday.  Andrew, son #2 - not so much!  It's fine, it's just the relationship that Chris and I have and it's a habit we've fallen into over the years as geography has been between us. Anyway, we're talking and there is a child screeching in the background.  Now, Chris has no children yet, so I know it's not his, but this child is literally screeching at the top of his lungs.  I'm thinking the mother is beating him.  Chris assures me she is not. We shout our way through the conversation and the day goes on.

So, after our conversation, I go to the grocery here and I am keenly aware of all the small children who are unhappily accompanying parents.  As I'm watching behavior and listening I think back to the time when my boys were with me.  Now, I have 3 sons and as a single mom they were with me on trips to the grocery, errands, etc.  There was no sense in paying a baby sitter for an hour or two.  And I have to tell you if my kids acted the way some of these kids act today, they would have been punished and it wouldn't have happened a second time.  Some mothers today seem to be oblivious to the behavior of their children!  How does that work?

Now, I will tell you a story on Andrew (sorry buddy) and it involves a grocery trip.  This particular trip occurred before Michael was born, so I only had Chris and Andy with me.  Chris was walking beside the cart and Andy was in the "seat" - you know that awesome wire space that has the two cut out squares for their legs to fit through so they can strategically kick you the entire way around the aisles.  But I digress.  We were going up and down aisles, buying what was on the list, being penny-wise.  When we got to the cookie/cracker aisle, Andrew requested (actually demanded) cookies.  At this point in my life, I had a rule - not on the list, not in the cart.

So, we pause long enough for me to select crackers from the cracker side of the aisle and Andrew continues demandng cookies, getting louder with every request.  I refuse again and again.  Finally about three quarters of the way down the aisle as he is getting more and more obnoxious, I get right down in his little face and tell him "that's enough, don't ask again, no cookies!".  He crosses his little arms across his chest, sticks out his bottom lip and begins to huff and puff - you've seen it, it's when that lower lip goes in and out with that slight sucking sound.  I figure he's received the message and we're ready to move on.

Now Andrew is a clever child.  A shrewd little boy who wasn't content when he didn't get his way. Hmm... he's still that way at age 30, soon to be 31.  Anyway ... I am checking the list and I see him lean around me and look behind me, then look the other way down the aisle and back behind me.  I watch as his eyes light up and he leans toward the shelf and the cookies he has been begging for.  And as I hear another cart come close behind me, he shouts at the top of his lungs "Stop hitting me!"  The person pushing the other cart scrambles around me, I am horrified and Andrew gets his cookies as we zip out of the aisle.

Two things - he won that round, but it never happened again I assure you.  Not because I stopped taking him to the grocery, but because I had the good sense to discipline him.  And no, I didn't beat him or even hit him for that matter.  You see, I had a wooden spoon that put the fear of God into him and I only had to show it to him for unwanted behavior to cease.  I never actually had to hit him with it.

The second thing? I have the joy of watching 2 of my sons now as men (my Michael was killed 3-1/2 years ago in an automobile crash) and they are well-behaved, mannerly gentlemen.  People comment to this day on their manners - things like holding a door for a lady, addressing adults as sir or ma'm, using those almost non-existent words like please and thank you and excuse me when they sneeze or belch!  These are the niceties that I miss and wonder where they've gone.  Trust me, I know not all children are ill-behaved, there are many, many, many out there who are fabulous in public.  I congratulate their parents.  Yep - their parents.  Manners don't come out of nowhere.  Manners don't just happen.  They have to be taught, observed and learned. So when you see bad behavior ... you can fill in the rest of this thought.

Being a mom is the greatest joy in the whole world  It's also the toughest role you'll ever have to play.  But know this, some of those really hard things you have to do -  like say no, or take a loved video game away, or ground them - it will all pay off someday and you'll stand back and say "I did good."  It may be painful today and make you weary, but one day you're going to be so proud you could bust!  I know I am!  Love you Christopher and Andrew (you too Michael).