I do believe I've just had a defining moment in my life! And I must say it is very freeing! It's one of those moments when the pressure lifts and you feel a physical lightness ... you know, like when you finally roll the pantyhose down and off after a long day! It wasn't expected and I'm not exactly sure how or why it happened, but it did. Here's the story ...
The day started with a monster migraine. I didn't sleep last night at all! My mind was going a thousand miles an hour and it just wouldn't shut down. Work was plaguing me - numbers not coming in fast enough, can't find the answer, why isn't this idea working or that suggestion? I watched the clock pass 1 am, 2 am, at 3 am I went downstairs to my office and retrieved my laptop. With the laptop powered up sitting on my bed, I answered emails and watched 4 am roll by and 5 am. This is not good. So when I gave up and got up, needless to say I was tired! I had that heavy, sluggish feeling and I was facing a day filled with coaching calls with new recruits. I needed my wits about me!
I opened my emails and learned that my boss wanted a new corporate team member to sit in on all my calls, to get a sense of coaching in a direct selling environment. Fabulous! I don't know this new team member very well yet, but I do know that she is a highly driven, opinionated person - a control freak. Just what I need! Now coaching new recruits is not a new skill for me. With my 30th anniversary in direct selling just 3 weeks away, this isn't my first rodeo. However, coming off of a previous experience with this new person, I knew I was in for a critique of my approach and lots of suggestions on how I can improve the process. No, she isn't my boss, but she believes she is in charge, so ...
Five calls were scheduled for the day. She couldn't make the first one, but she did join #2 and #3 and sure enough following #3 I received the email - ways to improve my coaching, she wants to "refocus" my coaching calls. Really? My reaction is immediate, as you can imagine, because not only am I tired, but I really don't need to have a direct sales rookie telling me how to coach new consultants. So, I pound my desk, let loose with a few choice words and stomp up to the kitchen muttering to myself. Who does she think she is anyway? I have 30 years experience, I've paid my dues, I've proven myself capable, just what is this upstart trying to prove? (OK imagine a harp here going "BLLLIIINNNGGG" from low note to high.) And there's the ah-ha moment.
She is trying to gain experience, she is still paying her dues, still trying to prove herself. While my career is winding down, hers is just revving up. She still hasn't convinced herself or anyone else that she is a force to be reckoned with and the only way she can do that is to change what others are doing and correct what she perceives is wrong - and it probably is in her world! In that instant, in that flash (and playing of the harp), the pressure lifted. I asked myself what am I trying to prove here? I am long past the days of needing to be the center of attention (no, seriously), I don't have to be the go to person, the only one with answers and why do I want to be? It's darn hard work! I LOVE working with a sales field, coaching, listening, encouraging and interacting with them. I actually despise the corporate grind, meetings, charts, KPIs, blah,blah, blah. It's the field, the people who make me happy. It's the email from the single mom who is trying something new that said, "It was great talking with you today, I really think I can do this thanks to you!" that makes me pump my fist and shout loud enough to scare all 5 pugs at once. That's the reward I need, not being in another photo shoot, or doing the presentation in front of another group. Been there, done that, still love to do it, but don't HAVE to do it anymore to be personally satisfied.
As the pressure lifted, I decided it's OK. Let her stay awake nights and carry suitcases under her eyes and eat an entire bag of Cheetos because they relieve stress! I did the super-driven, gotta have a big title thing, I'm over it. I realized that I was looking at the things the way I have throughout my entire career, not as someone who has achieved goals. I was looking at the things I thought I still needed in my life instead of looking at the things I already have. I have a successful career - 30 years worth that I can look at with pride. I have a great job with a great company doing what I love most ... coaching and helping others realize their dreams. I live comfortably in a house that is far too big for me, but memories of my boys growing up here call to me from every room and keep me company. I have a safe vehicle (2 SUVs actually - one from the company) to get me through winter days and rain and a Corvette in the garage to play with if I choose to get it fixed. I have a herd of pugs to make me laugh with their antics and sheer joy at things like blades of grass, me being home and that empty Cheetos bag! Lots of things.
But most importantly, I have the respect of my boys - successful in their own right, who tell me they're proud of me. I have an amazing Grandson - our new Michael - who is fascinated by his left fist, his mommy's smile and his daddy's voice, who is just starting to discover who Grandma is. I have nothing to prove anymore, I can take the pressure off of myself and take a step back. Let the young guns go for it, they can have it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to sleep tonight ... I wonder if they will.
